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Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Limbo

I just looked up the Limbo song on YouTube.  It's a feel good song; it makes me think of relaxing on the beach with a cold drink in my hand.  I have to say, if I knew I had to be stuck in limbo for any period of time, and I could choose any limbo I wanted, I'd pick that limbo.  It's fun.

But...I'm stuck in a different kind of limbo.  I'm out of my marriage, but I'm not divorced.  I have a job to provide myself and my kids with income, but it isn't enough.  I have a plan to get a new job that will hopefully be better for me and my kids, but I can't seem to tap into my internal motivating force to start looking for that job.  I have a home to stay in temporarily, but indefinitely, while I figure all of this out, but I really want to be out on my own again.  And I'm fading in and out of bouts of depression, and just when I think I'm finally out for good, I sink back in again.

I'm working on finding my way out of this limbo, but it's a slow and sticky process.  There are lots of steps to take, so many that I tend to look at them all and then just want to run and hide in a corner somewhere instead of dealing with it.  I really hope that in the next week, I can find a way to make myself take just one step in the direction I need to go.  Just one.  And then the next, and slowly, steadily, I can rebuild my life and find a better place.

In the meantime, though, happy music helps.  I think I'm going to play that song again.

1 comments:

Kim V. said...

Happy music always helps me when I am in a funk too.

It will get better. I know that seems like a trite thing to say, but time, and what you do with that time, heals us. You are doing all the right things. There may be a real reason that your motivation is lagging. God could have something in mind that requires you to wait, so despite all of your efforts to try to push yourself, you are unable to, because 'wait' is the answer. Just a thought.

Keep your chin up. You are doing an awesome job.